Is it just me or does this scenario 'cross the line'?
I was talking to a girlfriend recently and she was saying that a female friend of her boyfriend messages him all the time. When she raised this with him, he was very indignant and demanded to know whether she trusted him or not. She trusts him and to be honest, he is a lovely guy and clearly adores my girlfriend so I just think 'Why is this random chick badgering him? Boundaries exist for a reason!' Anyway, this made me think back to BF.
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So, there was a girl from North Carolina who he'd met online; she was a photographer (so she worked in the same industry). In the past, they had had a sexual relationship - he'd even travelled to visit her several times, but subsequently they were just 'friends' even though she expressed that she wanted to be more...
When he was with me, initially she was really weird with him and it led to 'radio silence' from her. After about 6 months, she crept out of the woodwork and was super friendly via WhatsApp - like nothing had happened. Remember that 'conversation' that I had with BF which led to one of our biggest arguments? One of the thingsI found out during that time was that BF had 'fooled around' with her when we weren't 'exclusive' during the early days of our courtship, which made me a bit paranoid. I trusted him. The thing was, as time past, she would message him at all hours of the day (even with the time difference, she messaged him); I would hear his phone vibrate when we were in bed together or during days out together.
The messages were friendly, just 'Hey, what's up. How are you? What have you been up to?' type of messages. He would wouldn't reply straight away but she would continue messaging him. Then followed him on Twitter, Instagram and friended him on Facebook. When I had asked BF about it. He would dismissively say she's a friend and he only talks to her about work, so things like camera lenses etc. To be fair, BF was honest and true. But I felt like a terrible person when I mentioned it to him that I hated the fact that she was so clingy and seemed to want to encroach on my 'territory'.
I just thought, 'Why is she connecting with him on all these social platforms? Messaging all hours of the day? Does she not understand boundaries?' I mean I have guy friends who are married, engaged or whatever. I would never dream of messaging them so often or late at night. And if they didn't message back, I wouldn't be worried and constantly message to require a 'follow-up'.
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My girlfriend is understandably upset. They had an argument where he demanded to know whether she was curbing his freedom and making him choose between her and the 'friend'. This wasn't the question in the first place. The question is, whether it's just a lack of trust or general insecurity? Or are there unspoken boundaries, which you don't cross when your friends are in a relationship?
Is there even a line to cross?
Sunday 25 February 2018
Friday 16 February 2018
When did People Stop Wanting to Learn?
Nothing new is really happening with me - I'm 'working on me' so started reading more for fun and cooking more. I finished reading the trilogy - 'A Court of Thorns and Roses', which I loved! A bit racy in places though, since when did 'young adult' books get so sexy? I don't remember reading any books with explicit sex scenes as a teenager, or am I being a prude?
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I finished my marking of exams, which was a huge relief because now I can focus on teaching and research, or so I thought... I failed a couple of students because they didn't even address the question for the exam and wrote terrible. However, rather than reading and reflecting on the grade and feedback, the student (S) emailed and wanted to meet me. I manage to schedule in a meeting that day.
I absolutely hate people who invade my personal physical space, yet S is sat within an inch of me! S refuses to accept the failure because S has allegedly never failed anything before and I should change the mark or I'll be 'sorry'. S starts shouting at me.
At one point, I think S is going to hit me because S is leaning over with a raised hand and voice! Despite me telling S to leave my office repeatedly S doesn't and keeps asking me "What is your problem?" Luckily a male colleague wants to speak to me at that point and walks in, sees me physically shaking and white and escorts S out. When did students get so entitled? If I performed badly, I always thought "How can I do better?" I never blamed the teacher or threatened her/him to change the grade!
Classes are tough as students don't want to learn. They attend physically but they are not there in spirit - you can see that when you walk the classroom and they're on WhatsApp, Facebook, Snapchat or just browsing on the internet. What is the point of going to university...?
With the internet, I find it a pleasure to find new information and learn new things, facts or find a small DIY video on Youtube. Funny that students don't want to do that. It's almost like they expect a 'Matrix' style of learning - plugging a cable into the back of their head and 'downloading' the information straight into their brain... When did people stop wanting to learn?
---
I finished my marking of exams, which was a huge relief because now I can focus on teaching and research, or so I thought... I failed a couple of students because they didn't even address the question for the exam and wrote terrible. However, rather than reading and reflecting on the grade and feedback, the student (S) emailed and wanted to meet me. I manage to schedule in a meeting that day.
I absolutely hate people who invade my personal physical space, yet S is sat within an inch of me! S refuses to accept the failure because S has allegedly never failed anything before and I should change the mark or I'll be 'sorry'. S starts shouting at me.
At one point, I think S is going to hit me because S is leaning over with a raised hand and voice! Despite me telling S to leave my office repeatedly S doesn't and keeps asking me "What is your problem?" Luckily a male colleague wants to speak to me at that point and walks in, sees me physically shaking and white and escorts S out. When did students get so entitled? If I performed badly, I always thought "How can I do better?" I never blamed the teacher or threatened her/him to change the grade!
Classes are tough as students don't want to learn. They attend physically but they are not there in spirit - you can see that when you walk the classroom and they're on WhatsApp, Facebook, Snapchat or just browsing on the internet. What is the point of going to university...?
With the internet, I find it a pleasure to find new information and learn new things, facts or find a small DIY video on Youtube. Funny that students don't want to do that. It's almost like they expect a 'Matrix' style of learning - plugging a cable into the back of their head and 'downloading' the information straight into their brain... When did people stop wanting to learn?
Sunday 4 February 2018
Old at Heart?
Somehow got a kidney infection this week - it hurts and I'm constantly falling asleep. Sad thing is I've had to go 'cold turkey' and avoid coffee which definitely doesn't help!
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I received 3 wedding invitations this week - eurgh. Some days it feels like everyone around me is settling down and getting married... No, I'm happy for these people but it makes me wonder whether it is normal to not feel that 'burning desire' to 'settle down'. I personally like my own space and imagining someone tinkering with my schedules and belongings unsettles me.
I went to a party last week at a bar - acquaintances. Conversation was lighthearted - some people were talking about their upcoming wedding; others upcoming holidays; others about new rented apartments.
One guy was saying "Oh my god! There's this guy I know and he lived with his parents for 10 years and now he's just bought an apartment without a mortgage at 30 years old! What an idiot!" This annoyed me. All the twenty-year olds nodded and were saying "What a loser!" As the token 30-year old of the night, I just thought "That guy in the story sounds pretty smart to me. He has a property - no mortgage. Good investment! He probably worked really hard for it and it's no mean feat living with your parents for all that time!"
I riled me up a bit when they started talking about drinking; holidays, but couldn't afford a deposit on a house/apartment or a new car. I just kept thinking "Frivolous little things."
Sometimes I wonder whether I should be like them - throw caution to the wind and not worry about all the 'adult things' that you should worry about. I should stop worrying about doing my job well - just do the minimum as so many of my colleagues seem to do; stop saving for that retirement fund because who knows what will happen tomorrow. And just stop worrying whether it's normal about my lack of desire to 'settle down'. Who knows?
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I remember as a child visiting a nature reserve with school. Whilst the other kids were screaming, climbing up trees and rocks, throwing sticks and stones, I just sat quietly observing. When we went for a walk with the teachers, the other kids were jumping off things or on things, I remembering sniffing and saying "I would rather be safe than sorry!" This shocked the teachers because I remember them whispering about it and asking me where I had heard that phrase.
Ha! Maybe I was always an old lady at heart? Who knows?
---
I received 3 wedding invitations this week - eurgh. Some days it feels like everyone around me is settling down and getting married... No, I'm happy for these people but it makes me wonder whether it is normal to not feel that 'burning desire' to 'settle down'. I personally like my own space and imagining someone tinkering with my schedules and belongings unsettles me.
I went to a party last week at a bar - acquaintances. Conversation was lighthearted - some people were talking about their upcoming wedding; others upcoming holidays; others about new rented apartments.
One guy was saying "Oh my god! There's this guy I know and he lived with his parents for 10 years and now he's just bought an apartment without a mortgage at 30 years old! What an idiot!" This annoyed me. All the twenty-year olds nodded and were saying "What a loser!" As the token 30-year old of the night, I just thought "That guy in the story sounds pretty smart to me. He has a property - no mortgage. Good investment! He probably worked really hard for it and it's no mean feat living with your parents for all that time!"
I riled me up a bit when they started talking about drinking; holidays, but couldn't afford a deposit on a house/apartment or a new car. I just kept thinking "Frivolous little things."
Sometimes I wonder whether I should be like them - throw caution to the wind and not worry about all the 'adult things' that you should worry about. I should stop worrying about doing my job well - just do the minimum as so many of my colleagues seem to do; stop saving for that retirement fund because who knows what will happen tomorrow. And just stop worrying whether it's normal about my lack of desire to 'settle down'. Who knows?
---
I remember as a child visiting a nature reserve with school. Whilst the other kids were screaming, climbing up trees and rocks, throwing sticks and stones, I just sat quietly observing. When we went for a walk with the teachers, the other kids were jumping off things or on things, I remembering sniffing and saying "I would rather be safe than sorry!" This shocked the teachers because I remember them whispering about it and asking me where I had heard that phrase.
Ha! Maybe I was always an old lady at heart? Who knows?
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