Old at Heart?

Somehow got a kidney infection this week - it hurts and I'm constantly falling asleep. Sad thing is I've had to go 'cold turkey' and avoid coffee which definitely doesn't help!

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I received 3 wedding invitations this week - eurgh. Some days it feels like everyone around me is settling down and getting married... No, I'm happy for these people but it makes me wonder whether it is normal to not feel that 'burning desire' to 'settle down'. I personally like my own space and imagining someone tinkering with my schedules and belongings unsettles me.

I went to a party last week at a bar - acquaintances. Conversation was lighthearted - some people were talking about their upcoming wedding; others upcoming holidays; others about new rented apartments.

One guy was saying "Oh my god! There's this guy I know and he lived with his parents for 10 years and now he's just bought an apartment without a mortgage at 30 years old! What an idiot!" This annoyed me. All the twenty-year olds nodded and were saying "What a loser!" As the token 30-year old of the night, I just thought "That guy in the story sounds pretty smart to me. He has a property - no mortgage. Good investment! He probably worked really hard for it and it's no mean feat living with your parents for all that time!"

I riled me up a bit when they started talking about drinking; holidays, but couldn't afford a deposit on a house/apartment or a new car. I just kept thinking "Frivolous little things."

Sometimes I wonder whether I should be like them - throw caution to the wind and not worry about all the 'adult things' that you should worry about. I should stop worrying about doing my job well - just do the minimum as so many of my colleagues seem to do; stop saving for that retirement fund because who knows what will happen tomorrow. And just stop worrying whether it's normal about my lack of desire to 'settle down'. Who knows?

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I remember as a child visiting a nature reserve with school. Whilst the other kids were screaming, climbing up trees and rocks, throwing sticks and stones, I just sat quietly observing. When we went for a walk with the teachers, the other kids were jumping off things or on things, I remembering sniffing and saying "I would rather be safe than sorry!" This shocked the teachers because I remember them whispering about it and asking me where I had heard that phrase.

Ha! Maybe I was always an old lady at heart? Who knows?