“Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.” -- William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing.
Following from my previous post, 3 things echoed in my head about the whole 'dating game':
1) Pre-"exclusivity", anything is "fair game"
2) Not putting your eggs into one basket
3) BF has a very different attitude towards sex
Maybe I'm not suited to modern dating, but these two things don't sit well on my conscience. I mean, yes, the second one is important, because online dating is essentially a numbers game - you meet a lot of weirdos, in order to find 1-2 normal guys who you might even have some compatibility with. I guess, I think it should be done with more respect for the other person...
I haven't stayed at BF's for a while, so I was really looking forward to the weekend to spending time with him, waking up next to him and making breakfast together. There hadn't been an opportunity to talk all day, as we spent a lovely time walking, enjoying cups of tea, and some street food. So, as we cuddled in bed, I needed to know more and see where I stood.
I was concerned (that's putting it lightly), I spent a few sleepless nights, thinking in my head, "What next?" Since the can of worms was opened, I needed to know the details, because I couldn't picture it in my head, and believe me I have had some vivid dreams of the sordid particulars!
1) Pre-Exclusivity
Saturday night was spent hashing it out (I didn't end up sleeping unit 6:30am and it was difficult to even share a room with BF, let alone a room). I found out that 'the friend' was someone he had met on adult chatroom online a long time ago, she was one of those flirty friends, you have. The flirting eventually tapers off, and you somehow become friends (I think everyone has one of those).
Suffice to say, I was annoyed that BF had told me that she was a university friend. He then tried to justify it by saying, "It was before we were exclusive - it was in the very early days of us dating - we had only been on 2 dates, and I had known her a long time."
2) Eggs in one basket
I admit I'm not the easiest person to get to know. I've been disappointed by people in my life - they fade in and out, and I have found that the only people I can trust are my family and maybe 2 friends.
However, when I asked BF about the 'friends with benefits' woman, it turns out the night after our 4th date (he had invited me to a cider festival but I couldn't make it, as I had plans), he went to the festival and met the woman there. Thus leading to a 'friends with benefits' relationship. Apparently, BF said that it was because I was so distant, and there was a 'wall' between us, so he didn't want to put his eggs into one basket... Well, a 'friends with benefits' situation, whilst also sleeping with your ex, is hardly trying to develop a relationship.
Equally, he could have spoken to me more. I mean he was so aloof and distant when we were first dating that I just didn't know where I stood! Anyway, he was annoyed that I was angry at him, claiming he wasn't a 'mind reader', when I told him that he could have talked to me more or asked me out more, because he was so 'cool' initially!
3) Attitudes towards sex
Perhaps I am a prude, but I have always found it difficult to disentangle the physical aspect of sex with the emotional side. I wouldn't start something, if I didn't believe that it meant something. BF believes something different; he explained that early on as a 'young man', he wanted to explore and it was something to enjoy, regardless of being in a relationship or not. He claims that a relationship makes it 'even better' but he doesn't necessarily agree that it's being 'cavalier'.
I'm tired of this being an emotional groundhog day. I know I deserve better and I guess the worrying thing is that I'm thinking of calling things off...
